Goodbye Waves & Driveways
by Jayzeer
Summary: If this is what it was like to be in love, then I hated it. The feeling of knowing Stan couldn't be mine lingered in my mind like an echoed mountain. StanxKyle! Kyle's POV. AGE:17-18
1. Echo

**Summary: **If this is what it was like to be in love, then I hated it. The feeling of knowing Stan couldn't be mine lingered in my mind like an echoed mountain. StanxKyle! Kyle's POV. AGE:17-18  
**Disclaimers:** I do not own South Park in anyway.  
**Additional Comments: **Rated T for language and adult situations. Don't worry, there is no sex (not that I could even write it out without arrupting in laughter), just Kenny's perversion and possible kissing scenes (: lol enjoy :3

_I'll bet two years I'll bet one year I'll bet those years you won't be here  
I guess I'll keep, I guess you'll keep  
Every memory  
Sadly we may never be  
I'll bet my tears I'll bet your tears  
I'll bet those tears over time could disappear  
Wait a minute I have more to say  
and I care if your listining to me  
I will forgive if you forget  
All the things we said  
Let's accept it  
I need you more than you'll ever know  
I still do, willing to let it show  
I need a minute just to get to you  
I feel like I might be getting through  
Come over and say nothing  
Silence is everything_

Silence -- Aly & AJ

**Chapter 1**  
_Echo_

I was anxious. 

Not only was my mind screaming at me how excited I was, but my thigh was shaking from side to side. I suppose it's a normal habit for people that are nervous. And I suppose it is normal of me to be nervous. I mean, I hadn't seen him for a month. The asshole left me alone with Kenny and Cartman. Then of course his nagging girlfriend. It's not that I hated Kenny, I love Kenny. He is one of my best friends, and is always there for me when I need him. He's just such a pervert, and I'd prefer hanging out with someone who doesn't slap my ass when I bend over. As for Wendy, she's just down right annoying. She was so paranoid that he'd run off with some other girl while he was gone. And as for Cartman... no words need to be said. He explains himself for this matter. Speaking of Cartman, he didn't even care to show up. But it's okay, if the roles were reversed, I'd probably be mourning in my room once he got back. Fuck, I'm surprised I don't cry of agony whenever I see his fat ass waddle up to us at school. Ugh, just thinking about it makes my fists clench.

I tap my index finger against the couch, leaning forward now and looking down at Kenny, whom patiently reads a magazine in the middle of the floor. "Hey, Kenny?" I mutter. The blond took a quick glance up at me. And with out bothering to respond, he put the magazine to the side. "Do you think Stan changed?" the boy shrugs, pulling his hood down and revealing his messy hair.  
"No." he supplies bluntly. "He's only been vacationing for a month."

"Right.." I reply with a nod, sitting back.  
Kenny folds his legs. "Why so paranoid?"  
My eyes shoot to him, quickly narrowing in curiosity. "Paranoid?" I hissed. "What do you mean _paranoid_?" The boy flashed a smile, shaking his head. His elbow propped up on his knee, palm holding up his cheek. He didn't respond, just continued staring at me with an odd look. It was beginning to creep me out. "What? What's with the look?"  
"For getting good grades, you're really a dumb ass." Kenny spat quickly. The stupid smile was still plastered on his face. I didn't answer. Kenny didn't bother to give me any time to anyway. "You're so paranoid that Stan will replace you only in a month's time period. I'm surprised Wendy still has a head."  
"Dude, sick!" I piped, giving him an odd look. He simply snorted, looking away and reaching for the magazine again. He flips back to the page he was on, reading it slowly before turning the page. I watch him intently before speaking up. "Do.. do you think I-"  
"Love Stan?" he cuts in. My eyes grow wide.  
"I wasn't going to say that." The same smile was on his lips. "But it's true, isn't it?"  
"As a friend." I say slowly. "Fuck dude, I'm not a fag."  
"Never said you were." he mumbles, going back to his oh-so important reading. I pull myself up, grabbing the magazine from him and tossing it on the coffee table. A hear a groan in his mouth, looking up at me.  
"What do you mean, then?" I don't know why I'm getting so worked up. I had nothing to hide, Stan was simply my friend... Right? As a matter of fact, we were best friends. _Super_ best friends. We could never be anything else, even if we wanted too. "You're so oblivious." Kenny sighed as he stood, stuffing his hands into his dull orange sweater. "You love Stan."  
"As a-"  
"No." the blond rolled his eyes. "Sure, you love him as a friend. But I know you want more. It's so obvious, dude!" I hate Kenny right now. I hate him for making me feel this way. I don't how he's doing it, but it's working. I can feel my face turn red. I can't tell if it's anger or embarrassment. I can't tell which one of us is right in this situation anymore. Yet I knew I couldn't love Stan more than a friend. Even if I do, hypothetically speaking, I couldn't do anything about it. He loved Wendy. And he surely didn't love me like he did her. But that doesn't even matter. It's not true..  
"It's not true." I hear my voice.  
Kenny grimaced. "Fine." Finally. He finally sees it may way.  
Stupid me has to keep the subject growing. "What makes you think.."  
The smile reappeared. "I may not get good grades like you, but I'm sure as shit not as retarded." he speaks. I glare. "The way you look at him, for starters. You always look like him like you're about to melt. You don't look away until you have to. And then when he talks to you, it's as if you think you might as well be listening to an angelic chorus. You always get the stupidest looks on your face." 

I didn't know my eyes could possible get that wide. Kenny was.. right. He was actually right. I was so oblivious to all this. I guess I refused the thought that I didn't even notice. I was in love with Stan. Every time those bright blue eyes connected with mine, I couldn't help but stare at them. Then his voice. Kenny was right about the whole angel bullshit. I couldn't help but always want to stare. I know that sounds completely gay, and not to mention I sound like a damn stalker, but it was true. I was insanely in love with Stanley Marsh.. But now that I think of it.. Now that these thoughts of him are stuck spiraling in my mind, screaming at me, the more horrible it starts to get. I want him. I need him. But I can't have him. Not only does he want Wendy, but I highly doubt he feels the same way. I see the way he looks at his girlfriend, and other girls when they go on their stupid "breaks". No way could he possibly love me back.

_Oh, thank god._ The telephone broke my horrible thoughts. Kenny, folded his arms, watching as I talked for only a second, then hung up. I turned. "Stan's home."

* * *

We walk silently down the sidewalk. It's so hard to talk to Kenny now. I wonder if he's the only one that suspects it. I wonder if he thinks I'll eventually go gay for him too. But it's not like that, not at all. I guess this sounds stupid to say, but I'm not gay. Only for Stan... Wow. I don't like guys. Just him. I guess it's because I've known him practically my entire life. When I think about it, I've known _everyone_ in South Park my entire life. God, I feel like such a dumb ass right now. Why is this happening? Why do I have to love Stan? "Kyle! Kenny!" I hear his voice shout in the cold air. His skin had managed to get a bit tanner while he was gone in sunshine state. He flashed a smile. Now I know why. He's _perfect_. I stopped in my pace, watching as he approached us. "Sorry I couldn't stop by your house like planned." Stan stopped in front of Kenny and I.  
"It's okay, dude." Kenny includes.  
"Yeah." I agreed. Stan looked to Kenny, then to me. Despite the fact snow began to flow from the sky like shimmering crystals, Stan flashed me a large smile, warming me. I couldn't help but smile back at him. "How was it?" I chirped.  
"Nyh, fine." he said with a sigh. "Me and Shelly were fighting half of the time."  
"Expected." Kenny murmured.  
Stan threw a chuckle. I tensed. "Yeah." he said, eye brows lifting. "It was frikken hot. A lot better than this shit hole. But I guess it was okay." he lifted a shoulder, looking up at the sky, watching the snowflakes. "I missed Wendy though." Of course you did. "I'm going to try to make up my absence. She was probably a bitch all month, huh?"  
"Pretty much." I managed to say loudly. "I don't get what you see in her."  
_Oh no_._ Don't give me that look_. He was glowering at me. It vanished though. "I should be happy you don't like her--" Stan's hands collided into his pockets. "That means I don't have to worry about you stealing her from me."  
"Jack ass." I say simply.  
Kenny was grinning. "You don't have to worry about Kyle stealing her." he shot me a funny look. I shoved my fist into his shoulder, causing him to yelp and jump back. "Dude!"  
I scratched the side of my face, looking away bitterly as I pursed my lips. "Shut up."  
Stan was staring at us oddly. "Idiots."  
"Yeah, _Kyle_." Kenny mocked.  
I went to hit him again, but Stan caught my wrist. "Don't be such a wuss, Kyle." he scoffed. I recoiled, withdrawing my hand and mimicking his posture.  
"Whatever dude." my eyes looked to the side.  
Stan frowned. I guess he's not as stupid as I think sometimes. "You don't slap the idiot, you kick him in the balls that I doubt he has." he said smugly. I turned my head to look, watching as Kenny fell to the ground. I let out an uproar of laughter, Stan following. Kenny grumbled."You guys are jerks."  
In unision, Stan and I spoke; "We know."

* * *

I'm completely in love with Stan Marsh. I never thought I'd admit it. I'll even admit I was just a bit oblivious about it. But now I'm sure. For a fact. As I lay here, sprawled across my green pattered bed, I think. I think about him, me, us. I wonder if it's possible. I wonder if he feels the same, and he'll break up with Wendy. I can see it. I want it so bad. _"Stan, I love you."_ I'll say. _"I love you too, Kyle. I'm going to break up with Wendy, and we can be together!"_ he'd tell me. Stupid Wendy can lock herself in her room for years and I'd care less, just as long as _I_ got him. The more I think about it, the more heartbroken I grow. _He doesn't want me. He doesn't love me. We're just best friends.._ I tell myself weakly. _No.. that's a lie_. I sigh, finding I'm beginning to argue with myself. I roll over on my stomach now, hand propping my chin up. "This sucks." I say quietly. Or maybe he does love me.. Maybe he's in denial, and he just needs to realize it. I can't ask him, though. Oh god, I can only imagine if he didn't feel the same way. It'd ruin everything! I wouldn't be able to see him at all. I guess the only thing to do is.. let him stay with Wendy. Let us stay just best friends. And let my heart ache. If this is what it was like to be in love, then I hated it. The feeling of knowing Stan couldn't be mine lingered in my mind like an echoed mountain. 

_**To be continued..**_

* * *

_  
Authorts Note:_  
I was listening to so many cute songs while writing this XD I did it kind of fast. Also, sorry for all the cursing, but that's just how they are. I'll try to tone it down :3 In case you're wondering what my inspirations were; 

Silence -- Aly & AJ  
In Like A Lion (Always Winter) -- Relient K  
Goodbyewaves and Driveways -- The Rocket Summer  
What We Hate, We Make -- The Rocket Summer  
You're The Only One -- Maria Mena


	2. Shatter

**Summary:** If this is what it was like to be in love, then I hated it. The feeling of knowing Stan couldn't be mine lingered in my mind like an echoed mountain. StanxKyle! Kyle's POV. AGE:17-18  
**Disclaimers:** I do not own South Park in anyway.  
**Additional Comments: **Rated T for language and adult situations. Don't worry, there is no sex (not that I could even write it out without arrupting in laughter), just Kenny's perversion and possible kissing scenes (: lol enjoy :3

_I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.  
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.  
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down  
I want to come too._

_No one understands me, quite like you do,  
Through all of the shadowy corners of me.  
I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,  
Now I'm shining too._

_Because, oh because,  
I've fallen quite hard over you.  
If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know.  
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone._

Coffee Shop -- Landon Pigg

**Chapter 2  
**_Shatter_**  
**

I stared at the clock silently. Class went on for ages. My pen tapped impatiently against the desk, making rhythm with the ticking of the clock. God dammit, end already. It didn't listen to me. A sigh escaped and I began scribbling random squiggles all over my assignment. Slowly, I began to realize I was scribbling an _S_. Thanks a lot, Stan. I erased it frantically, but didn't finish the bottom loop, as a paper was tossed on my desk. I looked up. Cartman shot a glance to me. With out bothering to open the note, I raised my hand.  
"Yes, Kyle?"  
"Can I throw something away?" I questioned.  
"I don't know, can you?"  
Fuck, dude! They say that in elementary school! I heard small giggles, my mouth twitching. "May I?" I spat. Mrs Delaney nodded. Cartman watched my every move with a frustrated, and somewhat constipated expression as I chucked the wad of paper in the trashcan. I took my seat as Mrs Delaney continued her lesson. Before continuing my notes, I shot a look to Cartman, a look of success. Then flashed my middle finger at my side. He growled, looking away, mouthing words to himself that I could only imagine. Then the bell rang. The teacher was about to tell us what we were planned to do for tomorrow, but we were already stampeding out of the room like crazy bulls. I was pushed and shoved out the door, until finally I reached the hallway. "Jesus." I whispered to myself.  
"Hey, dude."  
"JESUS!" I gasped, clutching my heart as I flipped around to see Stan. Like usual, his hands were stuffed in his pockets. He had a smile on his face, finding my shock amusing. "Geeze Stan, you nearly gave me a heartache."  
He shrugged, lifting his chin. "In a good way?"  
My heart stopped. What did he mean? Did he mean... _Breathe, dammit!_ I took a deep breath, huffing it out as I slouched over. "How can I have a heart attack in a good way? You want me dead?"  
"Who doesn't, jew?"  
Stan glared behind me. "Shut up, fat ass."  
I turned around, pushing away and standing directly next to Stan now. I folded my arms. "What do you want?"  
"I was disappointed you didn't read my note, Kahl." he pouted.  
"Why?" I blurted. "You'd rather make yourself look like a dumb ass on paper?"  
Cartman glared. "Jew."  
"Lard ass."  
"Day walker."  
"Dick face."  
"Gaywod."  
My glare intensified. I couldn't think of anything else to say. But how? There's so much... FLAWS in Cartman, how hard was it just yell out one of the millions? My mouth was glued shut. Stan rolled his eyes. "Shut up, you guys." he turned, walking down the hall.  
Cartman made a weird face. I turned to follow Stan, hearing Cartman utter something about _jewish fags_. I slammed my eyes shut out of frustration, before opening them, only to nearly trip over Stan. I didn't notice how close I was walking behind him. I should probably be more careful. Stan took hold of my elbow, pulling me next to him and shoving his hand back in his jacket pockets. I didn't flinch as I was pulled forward, just nearly tripped once again. He laughed at me as I caught balance. Our footsteps matched. "You seem... happy today." I began conversation.  
Stan looked at me in the corner of his eyes. Then he looked back forward, which made my stomach sink. I loved it when he looked at me, even in the mere corner of his eyes. I didn't want him to look away. "Would you prefer me to mope?" I looked directly at him, lips parting. "You saw my emo phase, didn't you?" I snorted. "Exactly." he added with a grin.  
"Never turn emo on me again, really."  
"Anything for you, Kyle."  
I beam. "Good."

* * *

Stan stands behind me as I dig in my pockets for my keys. Once I find them, I jam them into the keyhole. Turning it, I then swing the door open. "Got it." I look back to Stan. Ready to step in, the door slams. We both shoot a confused expression. I try to open it again. It cracks just barely, and I hear Ike's giggling. "IKE, god damn you!" I slam the door open with my foot, the door hitting against the wall and emitting a loud thud. Ike sits on the floor, sticking his tounge out at me. I give a scowl, walking in with Stan behind me. The black-haired boy pats the top of Ike's head as he stepped in. Just like Stan to be nice. I can't help but roll my eyes. "Come on." I suggest, trudging up the stairs with my friend at my tail. I slam the door shut behind me. "Jesus, he's immature."  
Stan sat on my bed, rummaging through his back pack. "Not as bad us as kids."  
I laughed. "That's a good point." I agree happily. "Makes him look like such a little angel."  
"Let's not try to corrupt his pure mind."  
We both chime with laughter and I sit down with him on my bed after shoving my shoes off my feet. I pull myself against the wall, folding my arms. "What are you doing?" I finally say, watching as he continues searching through the contents of his pack.  
"You'll see." he announces. I roll my eyes, slouching a bit more. Then finally, he pulls out a box. The ribbon atop is a bit smashed in.  
"..Stan." I sigh. He shoves it in my hands, commanding me to open it. I stare at him weakly, soon to open it and pull the silver chain up. He got me a necklace-  
"I was thinking of giving it to Wendy." ..._Wendy_. I stared at it, a frown on my face. It was a simple silver heart, very.. shiny. I twirl it around the air.  
"She'll love it." I speak. "She'll love anything from you." I give a fake smile. I wish he wasn't so oblivious.  
"Great." he says cheerfully, snatching it from me and carefully placing it in the box. "I should probably get a new case for it though." he tugs on the ribbon.  
I can't help but chuckle. "Good idea."

* * *

We decide to go get some dinner. We simply go to McDonalds, since we can't afford to go to a restaurant. We take our step inside, and he begins reminding me not to get anything too bad for me. In McDonalds? Wish me luck, Stan..  
"Hey fellas!" I hear a voice squeal. We both look up to see Butters. With.. Kenny? That's a bit random. Kenny's probably just mooching off him for food. I feel bad for Butters. It's annoying when Kenny does that. "What are you guys doin' here?"  
I spread my arms out gently, gesturing to where we were. "We're hungry."  
"Oh, right." he says. Kenny makes a maneuver at his own neck, as if slicing it open. Stan and I give a hushed laugh. "What's so funny, fellas?"  
"Nothing." Kenny squeaks.  
The four of us order, then take our seats at a booth together. I squeeze in next to Stan. I can tell Kenny is lifting his eye brows to me beneath his bangs. I kick his leg, but he tucks both of them underneath him before I can, only to miss. He sits "Indian style" now, and I growl with a failed attempt to teach him his lesson. Stan sips on his straw, soon to finish it. "Be right back." he tells us, standing up to fill his drink.  
Kenny looked to Butters, pushing his drink off the table when he wasn't looking. I watch with a weird look on my face. "Oh, hamburgers!"  
"Sorry, accident." Kenny claims. What a bastard.  
"It's ok, Kenny. I know ya didn't mean to"  
Kenny grins halfheartedly. Then Butters is gone. I eye the blond carefully as he tugs against his sleeves, adjusting them. "Now that they're both gone." he begins. I open my mouth to speak, but I'm interrupted. "When are you gonna tell him instead of looking like a love sick puppy?"  
"Never." I imply.  
Kenny frowns. I can tell by his saddened eyes that he means to the look of depression. "Why?" he says immediately. "You're going to just fantasize about him the rest of your life"  
My mouth hangs open. "YOU-"  
"What's going on?" comes Stan's smooth voice. I look to him. He is giving a _what the fuck_ look. I only hope he didn't hear Kenny's remark.  
"Nothing," I say. "Kenny was just telling me how he'd like to fuck your mom"  
Stan instantly shoots a glare at Kenny. Kenny's eyes widen. "No! AGH, DUDE!" he looks to me with a shocked look. I just smile.  
"That's sick, dude." I simply say.  
Stan sucks at his straw some more. _Oh please, please don't finish it too soon_. "You're dead, Kenny."  
I scoff. "Not like that's a change. He deserves it anyway." I whisper. "Calling you're mom a piece of ass, what a jerk"  
I can hear Stan's breathing grow. I watch as Kenny cowers in the corner of the booth. I flash a smile. That's what you get, jack ass. Butters slides in eventually, the food tray in his hands. 

We all ate slowly, Kenny savoring his food. None of us really finish, besides him of course. Butters soon announces he has to go, so does. Thank god. Kenny leaves too, taking our portion of the food with us. It's just me and Stan. "What now?" I say.  
He shrugs. "I guess we can go back to your house."  
"Maybe you can stay the night?" I suggest.  
"Sounds good." he agrees. Butterflies preform wild dances in my stomach. I smile. He creates a replica.

We're walking in twenty degree weather. We were stupid to decide we didn't need to drive. _"Oh, it's just around the corner."_ Well fuck that, it's freezing! I stuff my hands underneath my arms like most males do in hope to find heat. At least I wasn't stupid enough to not wear my hat and gloves like Stan decided. It was as if he never got a bit dark, because his face was almost as white as the snow about now.  
_Nows my chance.._  
I hesitate, soon huddling next to him and wrapping an arm around his neck. He does the same. I can't help but smile at this. "It's freezing!"  
"I told you this would happen." I gloat. He simply groans in return, just enjoying the share of body heat... while I enjoy him holding me.  
He sighs. "So.. You really think Wendy will like her gift"  
I frown. "Sure.." I say.  
He looks down at me. "What is it?"  
"It's just..." we stop walking, and I turn, looking at him. I let go of him, making him begin to shiver again. I sigh. "Let's get back first.."  
He nods in agreement and we make our way back. I immediately hold onto him once again. I never wanted to let go.

We sit silently in my room. He is waiting for me to keep up the subject. I sigh, honestly nervous about it. Eventually, it has to be said. So I let it out. "It's about Wendy."  
He looks to me. "What about her?"  
I stare cautiously at his deep eyes. Ugh, please don't get mad. I hate when you're mad. "I don't think she's good for you, Stan."  
Stan blinks. "Why not?"  
"I don't think she... deserves you." _Like I do_. The black haired boy is confused. Then he looks at me with an angered look. Fuck.  
"Don't tell me _you_ love her!"  
I gape. "No, of course not, Stan"  
"Then.. what are you saying? You think we should break up?"  
"Well-"  
"Kyle!"  
"YES." I blurt out. _Because she doesn't love you like I do. She doesn't deserve you, she doesn't want you, she doesn't need you._ "You could do so much better, dude!"  
He is glaring into my forehead. He doesn't want to look at my eyes. And I wouldn't want him too. I'm terrified he'd see right through me.  
"Why do you suddenly think this about her? I love her!"  
Jealousy sets me wild.  
"Because she doesn't trust you, Stan! She kept complaining that you were probably cheating on her with some bleach blond skank!"  
"That can't be true!" he snaps. "Wendy loves me, she trusts me."  
"No she doesn't!" I outburst, standing up. He does the same. Why does he have to be taller than me? It makes him look so intimidating. I want to coil back. But I can't. Jealousy has token over. "She doesn't trust you! She doesn't care for you like I do!"  
"Oh come on, Kyle, give me a break!" Stan grunts.  
"_You_ give _me_ a break!" I yell. "I've been in love with you since I was twelve, Stan! You won't give me a break and stop making me love you! You run around with that stupid slut and act like she loves you, but she doesn't! Not like I do!"  
Oh... shit.  
His eyes are huge. He's staring at me like I had confessed a murder. Or worse; my obsessive love for him. His mouth is sealed shut. I'm scared of what will happen next, so I back away. "S-Stan."  
"This entire time?" he finally whispers. "You wanted.. _more_ than a friendship?"  
I gaze at him. His eyes are glued to me, and mine are glued to him. We're staring each other down. What the hell did I just do? "I.. Stan.. please.. just-"  
He breaks eye contact, turning his head. "I have to go."  
"Stan." I sigh.  
"Bye." he says. I watch as he picks his things up, heading towards the door.  
I can't help but yell his name out, chasing after and taking hold of his arm. He looks at me. "Please.. Don't let this ruin us!"  
"There is no us." he implies as he looks forward.  
I can't believe this. "Stan.." I whimper.  
He doesn't bother looking at me. "It's hard to know that you are in love with me. We've been best friends our entire life.. and now.. to know how you really see me." he speaks slowly. Sad. "Kyle...I'll see you tomorrow." then he shrugs me off and hurriedly escapes down the stairs.  
I stare as he does so. This can't be happening. I can't lose Stan. I can't. I'm nothing with out him. Nothing. This is so stupid. Why did I have to freak out and spill something so serious over something so stupid. My heart is officially shattered into bits of pieces like shards of glass. He tore my heart out, straight from my chest. I hear talking downstairs. My mother. I hear Stan. His voice is so faint. So distant. So... depressed. He wants nothing more to be friends. And I ruined it. I broke his heart as well. But never as much as how I feel now, and how I forever will with out him. With out seeing his smile that sends chills up my spine and turn my flesh pink from desire. I try my best to hear, slowly creeping to the top of the staircase and staring down. They're both standing in front of the door. Stan was about to leave before she stopped him.  
"I'm sorry." he speaks. "I can't see him anymore."  
"Oh bubby, you've been best friends forever." she says soothingly. "Don't let something so silly to get in the way of your friendship." She knew? How did she know? Only Kenny knew... right? I should be furious at the thought of Kenny telling people. But I could careless right now. I'll rip his head off for it later.  
"I.. I just can't." he whispers. "It'd be weird." my mom gives him an odd look. She doesn't understand. Neither do I. He notices her expression. "Knowing that whenever he looks at me... what he _thinks_? That's sick. I.. I don't want to know that. I don't want to know that he thinks of me that way, and now that I know, it ruins everything." then something comes out bitterly. "Why can't Stan control himself? Why does he.." I knew what was next. Even if he didn't say, I knew. _Why does he love me?_  
I don't know, Stan. Maybe because you're AMAZING. You're perfect in every way. There's nothing wrong with you, as much as you might disagree. I want him to just understand. I want him to hear me out, spare my weak heart. I begin to wipe at my eyes, tears pouring out quickly. I can't help but let out a sob. He looks up immediately. His eyes. They're glistening, the outside red and puffy. He.. was crying?  
"I have to go." he repeats like earlier. My mother just watches as he leaves, not bothering to shut the door behind him. He's walking quickly... no.. he's running. He's running down the sidewalk, then I see him no longer. He's gone. And I'll probably never see him again. Or at least not the Stan I know. The Stan I love. Before my mom can come attempt to cheer me up, I'm out the door, racing after him. He's no where to be seen. Shit! I can't just let him go like this. I need him. But he's completely gone, snow trickling down my face. No.. Just.. just NO! I drop to my knees, holding against my head. "Please, Stan.. Please." I sob pathetically.  
"Kyle?"  
I freeze. "Stan?!" I practically scream, standing at once. No. It's not the boy I hope to see, it's Kenny. "Go the fuck away!" I yell at him.  
He blinks at me. "What's wrong with Stan?" he points behind him. "I saw him go running.. what's wrong with _you_? What the hell happened?"  
I don't answer. I keep my mouth shut as I fold my arms, nails digging into my arms as I look away. I managed to stop my near hyperventilation, simple tears freezing my cheeks. "He hates me. That's what's wrong with him. As for me, everything. Everything is wrong with me." Kenny frowns. He places his hand on on my shoulder. His hand is so warm. Yet why do I feel so cold? "I told him."  
"You did?" Kenny gasps. "How'd it go?"  
"HOW DO YOU THINK?" I scream. Kenny jumps. There's nothing but the sound of my echo now. I calm down, shaking my head and staring at the space between us. "Kenny.. I just lost what... what makes me whole. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't care. I lost the only thing important to me. I.. I can't believe this happened. All because I got jealous"  
I can tell Kenny doesn't know how to respond while silence slips by us heavily. Then he finally speaks to me. "I'm sorry, Kyle"  
"Yeah." I whisper. "Me too."

_**To be continued..**_

_Authors Note:  
_Sorry that things are happening so fast. I want to get the point across so more can happen with out Stan being retardingly (if that IS a word) oblivious. So yeah. I'm working on the third, sit in suspense! You're lucky I update quickly, a har har. In case you're wondering what my inspirations were;

The Scientist -- Coldplay  
Yellow -- Coldplay  
Stolen -- Dashboard Confessionals  
1234 -- Feist  
Better Than You -- The Friday Night Boys


	3. Photographs

**Chapter 3**  
_Photographs_

Kenny apparently didn't tell anyone. I'm not sure if I can trust him or not. Either I make it completely obvious, or he did tell my mom... and maybe other people. All that is clear is my own mother knows. I don't know whether to feel relieved or ashamed. Does my dad now? Ike? Well. I guess I should spare Kenny his life, since I'm not quite sure about the situation.

I can't help but stare. I don't want to look away. I hadn't seen Stan all weekend, and it was now Monday. He sits silently at the end of the table, squished between Wendy and Butters. He doesn't touch his food. I stare disgustingly at his and Wendy's intertwined hand. She doesn't where the necklace. That means something. Doesn't it? He is staring across the room, looking past Kenny who sat directly in front of him. Kenny sits between Cartman and I. I mix my food around. It's dead silent. Only the sound of Cartman's obnoxious eating is made. It sounds horrible. "Stop." I let out in a hiss.  
"Was that directed to me, jew?"  
"Yes, fat ass." He makes sure to torment me and makes his chewing louder. I cringe. "Stop it, dick face!" He feels he needs to flip me off. I glare. Kenny sighs, nibbling at his sandwich. Butters says his overly used _'Oh, Hamburgers!'. _I remain silent now, looking back to my food.  
Then that high pitched voice starts. "Stan?" He looks at Wendy. Why can't you look at _me_? "Can we do something tonight?"  
"Sure, Wendy." he answers. It's dry.  
She smiles though, thanking him and clinging to his arm. God, I wanted to slap her off of him.  
I inhale. "Stan?" No response. "Stan... STAN." The ass wipe still refused to answer. "DAMMIT STAN. I fucking hate you, does that make you feel any better?!" I push the tray forward, hitting against Stan and Butters' own food, both of the trays sliding into their laps, creating a mess. They both stand up. Stan shoots a glare to me. "Does it?!" I hiss.  
"Kyle." he breaths angrily. He's gnawing at his bottom lip. "If I say yes, will that get you to leave me alone?"  
I struggle against my eyes._ Dont cry, Broflowski_. "If I say no, will you let me at least try to get you to understand?" I retort. He's staring at me dangerously. Please just tell me yes._ Yes, I'll try to understand._  
"Understand what?" Cartman barks.  
Stan stares at me. He lets out a long exhale. My mind is running wild. "Kyle." he finally says. "I can't do this. I can't."  
My heart throbs. "Why not?"  
He doesn't say anything. He looks to Cartman, making it clear he doesn't want to talk about it in public. I can't help but agree. "Some other time, Kyle." he hisses at me.  
I glare. "You don't mean that."  
He looks to Wendy, gently grabbing her arm. "Let's go."  
Wendy stares at him. "What's going on, Stan?" she questions.  
"Nothing." the boy responds. "Don't worry about it, Wendy."  
I watch silently as they both leave, Wendy whispering to him. I inhale deeply, looking to Butters. "Sorry."  
He's trying to wipe the food off his shirt. It's probably already stained. "Aw, it's all right Kyle. I know ya didn't mean to."  
Cartman scoffs, looking at me. "So what was that all about?"  
"Nothing." I say. "It's none of your business anyway, Cartman."  
There's no response, and the bell breaks our silence. Groans are made across the cafeteria, everyone leaving to their class. I sit still, looking up as Cartman and Butters leave. Kenny sits by me.  
"Are you ok, dude?" he mumbles, mouth covered by his parka.  
I look at his blue eyes, frowning. "Yeah." I lie.

I walk home by myself. Usually, Stan is the one to accompany me, usually hanging out at my house after school, or vise versa. But this time I'm alone. At least the weather cleared up some. The snow stopped falling, just leaving everything wet and cold.  
I pay no attention to where I'm going, I'm just walking mindlessly. I feel so empty, so betrayed. I should probably stop silently complaining, but I can't help it. My heart is in pieces. I'd rather not have one all in all. At least I'd know someone didn't break it for me. The thought of him is glued to my mind. I can't get rid of it. The looks he gave me. The depressed and yet angry look. He managed to look terrified. What, was he scared of me? He acted like I only saw him as a piece of ass. Like I just wanted sex. But that's not what I want. I don't need or want any of that as much as I flat out want him to be i mine /i . If that makes any sense at all. But it's completely clear to me. If only I can get _him_ to understand me. I only doubt he'll even want to talk to me again. I can tell he just wants me to leave him alone. He wouldn't even look at me. He just told me that we could never be. He didn't love me more than a friend. He would refuse to look into my eyes.  
Wait.. Maybe he refused to look into my eyes and tell me he didn't love me because he was lying? But Stan never lies to me. Either I'm right, dragging myself into a hopeless, love sick world that I only wish was true; or he lied to me for the first time in our lives. But that's so unlike him. I can't see him lying to me. Especially about something that is so important! Deep down, maybe he knows he loves me. He knows we wants to be mine, and I his. But he thinks it can't be. He thinks too much about his stupid reputation, what people will think about him dating the same gender. God, sometimes I hate Stan! For making me feel so hopeless, so incomplete, so... nothing.  
I feel so lifeless. I miss him so badly. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't _want_ to. I need a chance to convince him, to help him see what I think, but he doesn't want to give me that time. He'd rather ignore me and shun me as a friend. Is that how he'd rather live his life? Without me? I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true, isn't it? How come something so stupid have to break our friendship? We've been friends for what.. 17 years? Was Stan really going to let this ruin all that? All those years? How could he?  
I allow a sigh out of my mouth, pulling my hands from pockets and running a hand through my auburn hair. I decide I need to focus on things other than Stan and his retarded thoughts. I realize I wasn't even going to my house. I had passed it a while ago. I suppose I was just so deep in thought. My eyes glance up. Fuck. I'm such an idiot. I had brought myself to his house. Great. I quickly turn on my heal. I gasp, beginning to lose balance on the iced sidewalk. I allow a yelp come from inside of me before collapsing on the ground after I struggle to stop from sliding. I land hardly on the ground, hearing something crack loudly, sending a surge of pain through my body as I begin to slip into unconsciousness.  
My eyes slowly open. I jerk slightly, sitting up quickly. I'm covered by a blue blanket. It takes me a short time to realize where I am; Stan's bedroom. I inhale, breathing in the familiar scent of him. I breath it out slowly. With a long stretch, I place a hand against my back, feeling the bony structure. A large bulge is near the top of my back, throbbing once it is touched. I hiss in pain, cursing out the knot. I pick myself up though, standing weakly. I really took a hard fall, didn't I? Whatever, I've been through worse. Like when that stupid home schooled kid beat the shit out of me because I taught Rebecca about kissing. But that doesn't matter.  
_I'm in Stan's room._  
I stare around the room. It's just like it always had been. Pictures are hung on the wall, most of them either with him and his family, or me. There are hardly of him with Wendy or Kenny. No Cartman is to be seen, obviously. His room is a bit of a mess, clothes randomly thrown in places, garments piled up in his hamper. I look next to the night stand, staring at the carefully placed guitar. It's a normal one, nothing quite special about it. It's pretty old though, a few scratches on it. The pick is placed carefully between two chords. I look at the table, a folded paper on it. A glanc to the door, and I grab it, unfolding it gently and then beginning to read. Everything is scribbled out. I narrow my eyes, as if doing that will remove them and see the text that was written there before. I sigh, folding it and placing it back on the table. I stare silently at the instrument. I remember when Stan first got the guitar. It was a year after our stupid Guitar Hero phase. He figured it was easy like the fake guitar, and ended up getting one for his Birthday that year. He was wrong. Months later he came to me, telling me he gave up. I remember when he shoved it in the case and hid it in his closet. _"I told you you wouldn't like it, dude." _I had told him.  
_"I guess I should listen to you more often." _he answered. Yes Stan, you should listen to me more often, you asshole.  
I tear my eyes away from the guitar, slapping my hands over my eyes as I sit back down on the bed. Why. Why. Why. Why can't you just love me back?!  
I jump at the sound of the door opening, looking up as someone entered the room. I wiped my eyes quickly, putting them onto my knees and staring. It's Stan. He looks the same as he did at school while he drifts in, arms folded. He takes a seat next to me, making sure to keep his distance at the foot of the mattress. I can't help but mutter angered words, looking down at the carpet. He is rubbing the back of his neck, then looks to me. "You ok?"  
I shrug. "What do you mean by ok?"  
"You know, you hurt yourself pretty bad."  
"I didn't hurt myself." I hiss. "I had some help."  
He frowns, soon realizing what I mean by that. Stan doesn't look away though. "Hear me out, Kyle-"  
"Hear me out!" I instantly bark. "You're being such an asshole about this."  
"Can you blame me?"  
"Yes." I say bitterly. "I would think my best friend would understand, or at least try to."  
Stan leans forward, trying to see my eyes as I stare at the floor angrily. His grimace is deep. "Be reasonable, Kyle." he begins. "I think I have a right to be.. a bit.. awkward about this. How would you feel if I suddenly confessed my love for you?"  
I chuckle. "You know my answer."  
"You know what I mean." he replies quickly.  
I look at him. His eyes instantly lock with mine, and I feel angered for allowing this. "I guess I wouldn't know." I tell him. "I don't remember a time when I, well, wasn't feeling like this."  
The boy sighs. "Why do you love _me_?"  
He's broken my heart twice in only two days. Is that even possible when it was already torn out?  
"I don't know," my voice turns into a whisper. "I've just known you for so long. There's nothing I don't know about you." I let a small laugh enter my throat. "Besides you taking guitar up again." He smiles. But both of our grins fade instantly. I look away now. "You don't realize how perfect you are, Stan."  
"Perfect?" Stan questions, eyes narrowing. "Nobodies perfect, Kyle."  
I snort. "Then you're the first to break that theory."  
I look back to him, watching as he rubs at his thighs with his palms, staring forward. He shoots a glance. "I just don't get it."  
"Oh please," I inhale. "I think I know that by now."  
He makes an odd face, but it vanishes, gazing back at the floor. We remain silent. What is he thinking? I want to know so bad. I want to pry his mind open and read his thoughts. Why must he be so stubborn? With a sigh, Stan speaks two simple words; "I'm sorry."  
"Apologizing won't pick up the pieces." He nods. He knows what he's done to me. Yet why don't I feel sincerity? Silence is deafening me as we just sit there. I finally look to him. "Stan. Why can't you at least try?"  
Stan shuts his eyes, putting his fingers again the brim of his nose, holding his hand there like he had always done when in a situation like such. "Kyle, please."  
"Stan..." I whine. I feel tears choking me. "Please, Stan.. Please. It's not as bad as you make it seem! You may be wrong. You may be surprised and want it just as bad as I do. You just have to trust me, you have to at least try."  
"I trust you," he admits quickly. "What if you're wrong though? What if it's not something I want? You'll just go the rest of your life wanting something you can't have and moping to me. It'll ruin our friendship."  
"Like it isn't now?" I snarl. "I remember you're the one that ran out like a little bitch. I remember begging you not to let it come between us. You simply said there is no us. Remember?"  
He looks at me. "Kyle. I just can't." I don't reply. I feel tears roll down my face. He frowns, wiping one of the tears off. I glare at him, completely angry. He just has to do these things. Stan just has to show affection yet won't fess up to it. "Don't cry." Stan sighs. "I just can't-MMPH!" It's too late. I crushed our lips together. I'm not surprised when he shoves me away, standing up immediately. "LEAVE!" he shouts.  
I stand too, face completely red. "Don't tell me you didn't think anything of that."  
"Oh, trust me, I did!" he exclaims. "Now get out!" he walks to the door, swinging it open.  
"Stan-"  
"God dammit, Kyle! I don't want to see your fucking face right now!" Stan yells. I stare at him, tears pouring down my face.  
I walk to the door, stopping and glaring up at him before leaving. "You might as well of left me dying outside." I whisper to him, then storm out and down the stairs in a rush. I swing the door open, slamming it behind me.  
I walk furiously on the sidewalk, folding my arms and walking forward. I feel so dead. We could have been friends again, I could have dropped it. We could have set this beside us. But no. I just had to keep urging him on. I wipe at my eyes, trying to stop them from wetting my cheeks. But I can't. I can't control my despair.  
I find myself walking no where. I'm walking through town, trying to collect myself before going home. I don't want to go home. There's just too much memories there. I don't want to think about him at all. I never want to see Stan Marsh again.

* * *

I don't go to school the next day. My mom insists I rest, but my back is perfectly fine.. I just don't recommend touching the knot. So all day, I'm stuck on the couch flipping through channels lazily. I'm home alone. Thank god. I want time to myself, instead of my mom being fucking annoying and in my face as always, and Ike there to bother me and poke at my injury like some sort of animal. All though I wish my mom didn't make me stay home today, I can't help but thank her enough.  
I scratch at my head, flipping the television off once I find nothing. There has to be something to do...  
I trudge upstairs, finding my way into my room and opening the closet. I stare up at a large box for a while, before finally reaching up and pulling it down. I kick the door shut with my heel, sitting down in the middle of the room and dumping all the shit on the carpet. I stare at everything for a long period of time. So many memories in one little box. There are plenty of pictures. Old toys, old hobbies, passed fads (I especially take a time to laugh at Chinpokomon). I look through the photographs. I don't understand why I put these in here. They weren't shameful pictures. I study each one, but one really catches my eye. We're eleven. It's a summer day, the sun beating in the picture. It's me, Stan and Kenny. We all have our board shorts on, Stan and I shooting Kenny carelessly with water guns, both laughing hysterically as we stay dry, Kenny completely drenched. He's laughing as well though, his bangs covering his eyes. I smile. Those were the good old days. I flip to the next picture; it's the same day. This time, Kenny and I stand together, our arms around each others necks and flipping the camera off, our mouths open wide to allow our tounges to stick out. Only the side of Stan is seen is this picture, an odd look on his face, as if having a serious conversation with someone to the side. I don't recall anyone else being there besides the three of us and Stan's dad, whom took the pictures. Bewildered, I put it to the side. I blink, staring at the next picture. This one means something to me. It was after the last picture, yet Stan seemed to have tripped and clung to my waist, both of us beginning to topple to the ground in a blur, apparently ready to land atop Kenny. I study it carefully... No. I can't be right. The only thing that pops in my mind is that he was jealous. Was he jealous that Kenny had been giving me attention? Maybe a little too much? No, it can't be.  
I decide to keep the pictures though, setting them aside. I continue rummaging through more, none out of the ordinary. Class photos, double copies, friends, family. I toss the pictures back into the box, now looking at everything else. I pick up a hat. I can't help but smile at it, wiping at the foe-fur that covers the insides. I study the green fabric. It's so small now. Good times with that that. I set it gently on top of the pictures, looking back to everything else. There are a few CD's that Stan had made for me whenever I felt down. He's such a douche, I swear... I set them on my desk. Anyway; nothing else is quite of interest, so I put everything back inside and place the holder back inside the top of my closet. I take the pictures and set them on my bed, now on a search to find them homes.  
My hunt is caught short as my phone begins to ring. I catch it, answering and putting it to my ear. "Hello?" I greet.  
"Hey," Kenny's voice comes out smooth. "Wanna come meet us at the park?"  
"The park?" I chuckle. "With who?"  
"Me," he says. "Thomas, Craig, Butters and Stan."  
I sigh, moving the phone to my other ear. "Does Stan know?"  
There was a small pause. Someone was talking to Kenny, I could hear him place his hand over the phone. Then it's back to his mouth. "It was his idea in the first place."  
Despite the many mixed emotions that Stan is sending me, I can't help but let a rush of joy burst through my skin. "Yeah, yeah!" I say eagerly. "I'll be right over." I hang up the phone. I remove my pajamas, pulling on my jeans, a simple white tee and then slipping my green jacket over it. I push my feet in my shoes, now running out the door after grabbing my hat. 

I don't know what's suddenly come over Stan, but I can only hope he's changed his mind. I can only hope he's giving me a chance.

_**To be continued..**_

* * *

Sorry for taking so god damn long XD I actually managed to get all the chapters done and now working on chapter two for the sequal. Heehee, I got too preoccopied of posting it on DA, and just got too lost to post it here. But I'm posting them all up now, so no worries (:

Ahh, don't you just love teen angst in the.. er... night for me.


	4. Surface

**Chapter 4**

_Surface_

The rain came down hard.

I approached the park with my hood covering my face. I saw them sitting by the bathrooms, staring out at the rain as they talked. I made my way, shoving my hands in my pockets. "It started raining on my way here." I gave a shrug. "I figured you guys would be long gone."

"Rain can't let us down-COCK." Thomas blurted. Everyone acted like it was nothing, all though a small smile had formed on Craig's mouth.

"Brave of you." I say to him. I avert my eyes, looking a long the small row that had been formed by them, and don't see the person I actually care about seeing. I glance at Kenny. "I thought you said-"

He pulled his hand out from inside of his parka, adjusting it back into his sleeve, pointing to the swing set. "He said he was waiting for you there." I turn my attention to the swings, seeing Stan alone, sitting on one of them and gently moving back and forth. He holds an umbrella over his head, back faced to us.

"Thanks." I say to Kenny. "I can't say I don't like our recent alone talks."

"Can't say I-SHIT-blame you." Thomas yelps. I look at him. He notes my expression. "He's been-FUCKSSHIT-down lately." I nod.

"He's just a fucking retard is all." I exhale.

I hear Craig cackle. "Who isn't in this town?" He holds his face up with both palms, tapping his middle finger against his cheek. I ignore it, turning from them now and beginning to walk. I hear them begin to talk again, a few shouts screamed from them bickering back and forth to each other. Typical of them.

My feet squish in the grass, stepping next to Stan and leaning against the pole. The boy looks at me, flashing a simple smile. I look at him, perplexed. "You're sending mixed emotions, you know, Stan." I announce. "You're really confusing me."

A shoulder lifts as he watches rain buzz in the trees, a crack of thunder screaming in the sky. "I'm confused too." he answers. "I think I'm finally starting to get this though.." I shift, watching him look away from the top of the mountains and begin to kick one of his legs against the mud. He stops, looking up at me. "You can't help it. I was stupid for freaking out." he looks back to his original eye contact. I grimace.

"I know." comes my voice. "You can't blame me for liking you, though."

He smiles. "Why? What's so great about me?"

"Too much to say." I murmur. He looks at me. I gaze back. "But you have your asshole moments." I listen as he laughs, and I join in. Once it grows silent, both of us listening to the sound of the rain hitting against our chilled skin, I continue speaking. "It's weird, Stan. You're the only guy I like. The only one I've felt this way for. I've never felt this way for a girl, not even any of my girlfriends. I don't feel this way for any of the guys. Just you."

"So you're saying you're not gay?" Stan questions.

"Stupid, huh?"

"Naw." he replies. "You just can't resist my charm."

I chuckle. "If that's how you want to say it, then sure. Whatever you say."

Stan looks at me, deep blue and a bright green locking to each other. We remain silent for a while, before he finally whispers; "Do you forgive me?"

I don't answer. I push myself to him, removing my hands from my pockets and placing a hand on the chain of the swing. I stare down at him, Stan not removing his eyes. "I forgive you."

The rain seemed to transform into snow. Why couldn't it just be sunny for once? Stan and I had managed to get sick. Since he stayed home as well, I decided to go to his place for the day. We were huddled on the couch, both wrapped in blankets and talking. As mere friends. "Remember that time when Craig's stupid ass show was getting more rates than ours?"

I laugh obnoxiously. "Dude, that show was so gay."

"I know." he beams. "So we had to make ours better, so we all got high off cough medicine?"

"Yeah."

"I refuse to take that stuff ever since." he admits.

I burst out into laughter, Stan soon joining. I stop quickly. "I cuss my mom out whenever she tries to get me to take it." We both chime in laughter again. "Remember in summer? When you and I teamed up against Kenny with the water guns? Then you slipped and fell on us, and you ended up breaking your leg?"

Stan snorts. "That sucked ass."

"Yeah." I answer. "I found some pictures from it the other day."

"Really?" he replies. I nod. "Huh... I haven't really thought about our past in a long time. I never really noticed how close we all were."

"Besides Cartman." I say between coughs.

"Of course." Stan says under his breath with a laugh. "Was Cartman ever our friend?"

"Hell no." I sniff. "I don't even get why he hangs out with us in the first place."

"Maybe he's gay for me too."

I pretend to gag. "Sometimes I tell myself I wish I could read minds. But I'd never dare read Cartman's."

It takes him a while to comprehend. I watch him as it computes. "Agh!" He yelps. "Sick!"

I roar with laughter, holding onto my stomach. "I know, I know." I say with an exhausted sigh. We both grow quiet, Stan watching me as I stare out the window, watching snow pile up flake by flake. "Those were the days. We were so care free."

"Yeah." Stan agrees. We're quiet again. He finally looks away, adjusting his seating and bringing his legs to his chest, staring out the winter wonderland outdoors with me. "You know.." I glance at him. "I never did give Wendy that necklace."

"Why not?" I question. "I told you she'd like it."

The Marsh looks at me. "I know. I know she'd like it. But I can't give it to her."

"Why not?" I repeat.

"I can tell how it made you feel."

I roll my eyes. "Don't let me get in the way of you and Wendy. You guys are dating, not us."

"I know." Stan says softly. "But I don't want to give it to her." he sits up, pulling his legs back down and shuffling through things on the table, eventually pulling the same smashed box from underneath a news paper. He holds out to me. "I don't know what else to do with it now. Want it?"

I feel a tight frown form on my lips, causing my eyes to narrow. "Fuck you," I grumble, snatching it from him. He chuckles. "At least you know how to charm both genders."

"I don't even realize I do it." he says. I know he means that.

"It's not your fault you're an idiot." I grin, examining the necklace. A bit too girly for my likings, but I can just hide it under my clothes. I'll keep it right next to my heart. A sigh, and I continue. "Blame Mrs Garrison for teaching us fucked up ways."

Stan snorts. "That's a good excuse. I should listen to you more often."

My previous thoughts swell in my head, causing me to smile. "Yeah, you should."

It didn't take us very long to get better, only a couple of days. I loved it though. It angers me that we couldn't be sick forever, as odd as it sounds. But we got to spend everyday together. Sure, we do it plenty of other times, but I felt closer to him, considering he wouldn't even look at me before. But now the weekend is finally here, and I couldn't be any happier. Not only because we had no school, but it was the first sunny day, and I absolutely loved it. Me, Stan, Kenny and Cartman all decide to spend the saturday at Stark's Pond. Stan removes his foot wear, cautiously dipping his foot in the water. He lets out a cry. "It's cold!"

"Then just jump in, you'll get use to it." I declare. He frowns.

"God, you're such a wuss." Cartman teases.

"Oh yeah, fatty?" Stan hisses. And after a small struggle, Stan finally shoves Cartman into the water. He reaches the surface, confessing his hatred for Stan. "Good." Stan says with a smug look. "I don't want you liking me anytime soon."

"Well, you get your ass in here then!" Cartman barks. Stan shakes his head, only to suddenly let out a gasp as Cartman begins to tug on his ankle, attempting to pull him in.

"Stop it, Cartman, fuck!" he yelps, nearly losing balance while he struggles, trying to kick him with his other foot. I look at Kenny, whispering something to him. Kenny laughs, and with out bothering to change into my trunks, I lunge forward, taking hold of Stan and throwing him into the pond. Stan screams in shock, hitting the water on his back, hat falling from his head and landing atop Cartman's head. The boy pulls it from his head, throwing it at Stan as he comes up to the surface. "Kyle!" Stan gapes. He throws me an angered look, and I stand there in worry. Then he points at me, cackling.

Kenny slams into me, taking hold of my stomach and flipping us off the short dock. We both land in the water, the wind knocked out of me. As I come up from under the water, I hear the end of Kenny's cheering.

Stan is floating there, his mouth covered by water and giving me a playful glare. "What?" I snap, one of my eye brows lifting. I see a smirk rise on his face, and then he disappears under the water. "Gr-AGH!" I'm pulled back down under the water. Stan has my ankle, glancing up at me. I lift my leg, kicking at him to let go. He lets the air out from his mouth, laughing at me and allowing the water flow into his mouth. He points up to the water, and I watch as he makes a small gasp, going up the surface and now filling his lungs. I do the same.

I sigh as he disappears under the water again. I told myself I wouldn't be surprised, since I thought I knew what he was going to do. But this I was wrong. Something happens that completely throws me off guard..

**To be continued..**


	5. Obvious

**Chapter 5**

_Obvious_

I'm pulled back underneath the water, holding my breath as I go down. I'm surprised to feel his hands press against the low of my back, pressing us together. I look at Stan with a confused look. Only does it take my a few seconds before I realize what he has just done. Air escapes my mouth, our lips pressed together. This time, it's not by me. He's the culprit. I don't push back, returning the kiss eagerly. After he squeezes his arms tightly around me, he loosens them, pulling away from me. We're both losing air. We're both losing air. And fast. I can feel the air escape my lungs quickly, causing a horrible feeling deep inside of my chest. A heavy pressured feeling. As much as I want to continue this, I can't. I pull away quickly, pointing to the surface. With out hesitation, he swims up with me.

Our gasps come out harshly, Stan rubbing at his water stung eyes. I wipe at my eyes as well, soon looking to him. Stan removes his hands, looking away to Cartman and Kenny. Kenny is crouched down in front of Cartman, pushing his head back every five seconds, laughing manically. Cartman is trying to get himself up on the dock, but keeps failing to do so. "Stop it, Kenneh!" he commands. Kenny muffles a no, continuing to push his head back. I sigh, climbing up on dock with Stan behind me. I pull my jacket off of me, plopping the damp piece of clothing on the wood. I sit down with a deep exhale, sticking my feet into the water and staring at it. I feel so confused. First, he screams at me for kissing him, then he turns around does the same thing. I just don't get it.

I pay no attention as Stan shoo's the two away. He talks to Kenny with a whispered voice. Eventually, the blond and the brunette walk off, throwing hits at each other in anger. I feel Stan's presence next to me as he takes a seat.

"I don't get it." I whisper. "Why do you keep doing this? You yell at me for kissing you, but you turn around and do it again?"

"Last time I was caught off guard," he answers slowly. "So I wanted to see for myself this time."

I glance at him. "Did you feel anything?"

He isn't looking at me, gives a shrug. "I can't tell."

I grimace, looking back at the water. "This is driving me insane." Stan looks up. I can tell he doesn't understand. "Do you love me or not? You keep changing your mind or something."

"I don't know, Kyle."

"Well, figure it out!"

"It's not that easy." he murmurs. "What about Wendy?"

"What about her?"

"I love her too!"

Too. "What do you mean you love her too."

"As well?"

I rub the back of my beck. "I thought you didn't know-"

"I do love you, Kyle." Stan huffs, kicking his feet in the water. "Always. I just can't.. figure out in what way. It's hard."

"So... you kiss me. Then you tell me you don't know."

"I wanted to see." he says. "I'm trying to understand, I really am. I'm trying to give this a chance."

I look at him oddly, my eyes narrowing. "You're trying to give this a cha-" Once again, I am caught off guard. This time, the kiss is calm. It's eager, yet showing affection. I sit there, enjoying it as it lasts, breathing him in. I bet in five seconds he'll break apart. But he proves me wrong. He doesn't pull away. He only intensifies it. My eyes are nearly closed. I leave them open to watch his eyes tighten, giving a concerned look. I see a tear fall down. I gently push away. "You're crying."

"I was wrong." he goes to kiss me again, but I put my hand on his chest bone, halting him.

"About?"

"Everything."

I tilt my head. "Are you saying-"

"I think so." He pushes forward again, our lips together once more. I throw my arms around his neck, one of my hands tangling in his hair. Stan's hands travel to my waist like before, pushing me closer to him, locking us together. I've wanted this for so long. For at least six years. I can't help but think about it though. The next day he could easily break my heart again. He could come up to me and tell me thought it over, and it meant nothing. But it feels so right!

"Do you promise you won't change your mind?" I breath, only moving an inch away. He doesn't answer, opening his eyes to look at mine. He pulls one of his hands from my back, pushing stray bangs from my eyes. I allow my auds to narrow. "Stan." I hiss, pulling away more. "Are you just going to change your mind?"

"No." he answers, letting go off me and pushing away. "It feels right." Stan admits, to my shock."I love you, Kyle. It's just..." I roll my eyes. Hear we go again. He notices. "You don't understand."

"No, I do!" I snap, jumping to my feet. He stands as well, a sad look on his face. "You kiss me twice now. You tell me you like it, you tell me it's right. Then you decide it's not? Make up your mind, dude! I don't get it! You're confusing the hell out of me, Stan."

The black haired boy folds his arms across his chest. "I don't mean it like that."

"Oh?" I gasp sarcastically.

A small glare hits his eyes. "I like this. It feels right. I just don't know if it can be. I don't know if we can let US happen."

"Even as right as it feels?" I whisper. I feel my tears beginning to collect.

He sighs, rubbing his shoulder. "Kyle... I just don't know. There'd be so much to worry about. No one can know. Just imagine how horrible it'd be."

"You're... you're ashamed?" I can't help but let the tears pour over my bottom lids. He parts his lips, taking hold of my shoulders and embracing me in a hug. I try not to, but I can't help it; sobbing into his collar bone. He pets the top of my hair, running his fingers through it, trying to calm me. Trying to be soothing.

"Sh." he breaths. "It'll be ok.." his voice is shaky. I can fill it as he tenses, lifting his shoulders. I hear his breath come out oddly, listening to him. He's trying to stop from crying. But I feel the wetness against my forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't deserve this." I shift in his arms, resting the side of my face against his damp shirt and staring at the left side of Stark's Pond. You're right, Stan. You don't deserve true love.

I don't intend on giving up anytime soon. Since Stan told me the way he feels, I can't. I can't let it go. No matter what he tells me, I'm going to fight, even against him. Stan told me we couldn't be, despite the fact we wanted it so badly. I wanted him, and he wanted me. But he figured it'd be too difficult. It'd be too hard to keep a 'secret' from everyone of South Park. He didn't want anyone knowing about the love we had for each other, the passion and even the small bit of lust.

I know this sounds weird, but I need advice, even if that advice is from Mrs Garrison and Mr Slave. Freaky, I know. But they're the only openly gay ones in South Park. So I might as well, right? It takes me a minute to collect myself, shyly knocking on the door now. Mrs Garrison is the one to answer. "Oh, hello Kyle." she says.

I glance up, fidgeting with the ends of my sleeves. "I, uh.. I need to talk to you and Mr Slave."

"Is it important?"

"To me."

With a sigh, she steps to the side, allowing me in. I give a soft smile and step in. I take a seat on the couch as told, still messing with my jacket. I look up, Mr Slave now sitting across from me, they both are. "Well?"

"Um.." I begin, rubbing the back of my neck. "You're really the only openly gay ones in South Park, and.. uh... well. I need some advice?"

"What does us being gay have to do with it?" Mrs Garrison questions.

"Everything." I admit. I look down, my cheeks flushing. Fuck, Stan was right about how embarrassing it was. "I'm gay for Stan."

"And that's new?" Mr Slave scoffs.

I look up immediately. "What?!"

"It's not exactly.. not obvious."

I let out a breath of air. "Right, well. I didn't come here to be told that everyone knows I'm gay." I hear giggles. "I told him that I loved him. First, he freaks out. He tells me our friendship is basically over. The next day, I kiss him. He gets even angrier, I think. A couple days later, I get a call from Kenny telling me to meet him and a few friends at the park. He tells me Stan's there, and it was his idea that I came. He apologizes." I inhale, not giving them time to respond, since that's not just all of it. "Then we all go to Stark's Pond later... earlier. I push him into the water, and then he pulls me down." I begin to rub the back of my neck some more. "And he kisses me. We obviously have to go back up because the dumb fuck didn't think it'd be difficult to breath. So the others leave, and then he kisses me again. Then he says how he loves me, but we can't be. He's all 'Think of what people will say, Kyle. I don't want Cartman on my ass, Kyle. My family will disown me, Kyle.'" I hear two long aw's hit the air. I look up at them.

"I'll make sure that little bitch get's it!" Mr Garrison hisses.

I chuckle. "Thanks." I say. "But I need advice on how I can get him to fess up and just let us be, instead of deciding reputation is more important than our relationship."

Mr Slave stares at me. "Well, you could always stick a hamster up his ass."

I freeze. "WHAT?!"

"You could stick a hamster up his ass."

"HOW WILL THAT SOLVE ANYTHING?" my face is red, of either furry or embarrassment. I can't really tell.

Mrs Garrison is laughing with her partner at his side. "Jesus Christ." Mr Slave chuckles. "I'm not serious."

I calm myself, shaking my head. "You seriously had me going," I say with a laugh. "I thought you were serious."

"No, I tried that, hun. It's not safe."

I lock up again, but shake my shoulders, untensing my body. All right then..

Mr Garrison speaks now. "The only thing you can really do is give him time. Let Stanley adjust to all of it. It's new to him."

I frown. "It's new to me too... sort of." I fold my arms. "I guess that is the only thing to do.."

I have my jacket in my hands, allowing the newly formed heat to tickle at my skin. I stare forward as I walk home. I swing my arms back and forth, some how feeling very.. happy today. Until I see her; Wendy is waving at me, walking this way. I grumble.

"Hi Kyle," she says with that obnoxious high pitched voice. It seems a bit sad though.

"Hey Wendy." I greet.

"Have you talked to Stan today?"

I blink. "Earlier, why?"

Wendy sighs, folding her arms. "I haven't seen him since that fight in the cafeteria. Has he said anything about me?"

"Uh.. not that I can remember." I respond. I'm telling the truth.

Wendy nods. "Well, if you hear from him, please tell him he needs to talk to me."

"I'll do that."

"Thanks, Kyle." she gives me a small hug, then walking past me.

Well that was weird. I put my phone from my pocket, dialing the numbers and now putting it to my hear.

Stan picks up.

"Hey, dude."

"Hey."

"Are you avoiding Wendy?" I question, walking again. "I just saw her, and she told me she hasn't seen you since the day in the cafeteria."

Stan sighs. "Sort of."

"Why?" I murmur, bewildered.

"Well-"

"Wait, hold on. Other line." I grumble, angered that our conversation was being put on hold. I click the other line. "Hello?"

"Kyle?"

It's Kenny's dad. I blink. "Yeah Mr McCormick?"

"There's something I have to tell you about my song." he sighs. I hear muffled crying in the background. "Kenny died earlier today."

_**To be continued..**_

_--  
_I'm sorry it's not really as long as the others, or actually as good. I had to hurry this one up. So yeah, pardon the crappiness of it. BUT ROFLMIDDLE; my retarded friend commaned I put it in.


	6. Pale

**Chapter 6**

_Pale_

I stare blankly at the cascette placed in front of us all. The wind blows my bangs out of my eyes, the cold growing whether kissing at my skin. I pay no attention to the preaches that are spoken. I pay no attention to the sobs that are made. I can't hear anything. I can only hear Kenny's voice in my head, all those memories we had together. He's the only thing I see right now. My friend. My best friend. As stupid as he was, he was still had a heart made of gold. I'm going to miss him. Dearly. I let out a long sigh, scratching at my cheek. I can feel the wetness on my skin. It's cold, causing the exposed fleshed to grow even more chilled when the crisp, cool air sweeps against it. The knot, beginning to get smaller through time, is aching horribly. My entire body is. Stan stifles a whisper, looking away from the cascette. I don't look at him, I know he's crying. But I don't care right now. I don't want to look away. My eyes begin to narrow as more tears slowly drip down my face, spilling over my lids.

By the time the priest finishes, I've calmed myself down. I turn look to my side, watching as our friends slip away. I chase after, stopping as I reach Token. "How'd it happen?" I question lowly.

"You don't know?" he asks, lifting his eye brows. We stuffs his hands in his pockets. I follow his lead, my hands slipping into the black coat. "He drowned at Stark's Pond."

I blink. "We were all there earlier, though." I say. "Stan and I saw him leave. That can't be possible."

Token sighs, his breath coming out white, giving the illusion that he is smoking. "Well, that's where they found him." the boy replies. "He was at the bottom of the floor with a piece of seaweed tangled at his ankles."

I frown, not wanting to know these gruesome facts. I clear the images from my mind. Clyde is walking next to us now. "Sucks, huh?" I shoot a glare. He frowns, pulling a cigarette from his parted lips and puffing smoke out. "Cartman says they were watching some fags down there, and Kenny fell in or something." My heart stops. I stop walking, staring at Clyde. He stares back. "What is it?"

"Where's Cartman now?"

"I think I saw him here." Token answers. He looks around. "Knowing that jack ass, he probably got hungry and went to the mourning early. Probably leaving no more food for us."

Clyde inhaled the smoke. "Not like the McCormick's can afford good food, anyway."

"Are you guys going there?"

"Yeah." Token says. "We may not seem it, but we still have sympathy."

I watch as they continue walking to their cars, Clyde muttering that 'he has sympathy and shows it', but I hear Token disagree. I watch as Clyde goes to drop the cigarette, by Token punches him in the arm. I can't hear them anymore, but I know that Token has the heart to scold him for wanting to litter at a funeral.

My mom was kind enough to hold it at our house. Which is good, really good. I honestly don't think people would want to hang out at dump for a while. It's really silent, besides the whispers of a few people, and the sobs from the descents family. I fiddle with my tie, trying to adjust the tightness of it. It's bothering me. I eventually undo it, not caring that it's not very polite. Who cares. I sigh, sinking into the couch and staring out the window. I watch as someone slips in front of me, and the couch gives movement. I look over, Stan sitting next to me. Our suits are nearly the same, yet he didn't remove his tie like I did. "You okay?"

I nod. "You?"

"I guess, so." the boy replies.

I shift slightly. "Do you know how it happened?"

"No." Stan responds. "I'm not sure if I want to."

A grimace hits my face. "I think it might be important."

"Tell me then." Stan grumbles.

My voice forms into a whisper. "He drowned in Stark's Pond." I see Stan's confused expression, ready to retort. I don't let him. "Clyde told me that him and Cartman were watching two fags down there, and then he fell in." I can see the shock on his face. He knows what I mean. I nod.

"Do you think Cartman will tell anyone?"

I shrug. "He didn't seem to care to spread plenty of other things about us."

I'd imagine Stan to laugh at that, but he doesn't. He's in complete terror. "What are we going to do?"

'What do you mean?" I say. "I don't think there is anything we can do." I break into silence, before allowing a smirk. "Besides accepting it."

"No." Stan says at once. My stomach sinks, my eyes averting. "We need to talk to Cartman."

"You think he'll listen?"

"No," he echoes. "But who said he has a choice?"

It doesn't take long to spot Cartman at the food table. He chews his food loudly. Stan gives a look of disgust. "Cartman." he barks. He puts a hand on his shoulder, only to be shrugged off. "Cartman!"

"What!" the boy snaps, turning around. "Oh, it's you fags."

Stan inhales angrily. "We need to talk to you."

'What, want to confess your love for me too?"

Stan seals his mouth shut, fists clenching. I do the talking for him. "Shut up, lard ass. Now how did Kenny die?"

"Everyone knows that, jew." he says back, stuffing his face again. "He drowned."

"I know that much," I answer. "But how did he drown?"

"He fell in."

"How did he fall in?"

"The retard just fell in, damn!" he turns back around.

Stan looks at me, then back at Cartman. "I thought you guys had left?"

"No," the brunette says.

"Tell us how it happened."

Cartman sighs. "Fuck, if it'll get you to shut up; Since you two fags seemed to be totally into each other, I wanted to get out of there, in case, y'know... Don't give me that look, fag!.. Anyway. Kenny got out before me, and was making fun of me because I wanted out before you two showed your fuckin' gay love for each other. He kept trying to push me back in, but I eventually got back up.. What was that about beached whales?! That's what I though, dick face. So I decide I'm gonna kick his ass for doing that. Then you guys come back and I'm all 'I don't want to deal with their gay selves, let's get out of here, Kenny.' So we go to leave. Then Kenny is all 'I left my jacket by the dock!' so he runs back. I follow him, just enough time to see you guys finish making out then start crying like little bitches. We wait until you leave. Kenny starts going on on how relieved and happy he is to see that, so I'm like 'Dude, that's fucking nasty' and push him in. I guess he hit his head on the bottom and passed out or something, then got his legs tangled in the seaweed."

I pull hair from my eyes. "Did you try to help him?"

"No."

Stan's eyes slam wide. "So you let him die?" he exclaims.

"I at least got help after, right?"

It's all so fast, a blur of motion. First, Stan had grabbed Cartman by the collar, yelling at him. Then it broke into a fight. Stan was beating the shit out of him. I watch as the fists are thrown, Cartman barely even touching Stan. Cartman may be fatter, but Stan is taller, stronger and a lot more intimidating. I see blood drip from Cartman's nose and right cheek. I decide this can't happen now. Not at Kenny's funeral. "Stan!" I finally shout, jumping forward and grabbing his chest and attempting to pull him away. "Stan, stop it! Stop! You did it, now stop! Stan!"

Stan finally allows me to pull him away, shaking me from him and standing there. He's still scowling down at Cartman.

"You're dead!" Cartman yells. "You're both dead! I'll make sure you both fucking die!" We both watch as Cartman storms off, slamming the door behind him. His mother soon chases after. Their talking blows away with the wind. My attention goes back to Stan, he wipes at his bloody lip. That's the only thing that managed to be done to him, besides his wounded heart.

Stan drives us to school in the morning. I sit in the passenger seat, watching the newly fallen snow. "He's going to tell everyone, you know. I won't be surprised if he already has." I turn to him.

"I know," Stan answers. "But there's nothing we can do."

I fidget uncomfortably. "I wonder what he's told everyone."

"We can only find out for ourselves."

We step into the hallway. Like we predicted, everyone knew. They all stared at us, a few whispering to each other. We walk down, a blank face plastered upon my face, and an angered one on his. Then, the frustrated emotion vanishes from his face. He see's Wendy, her back faced to him as she whispers to Bebe. Bebe leans to the side slightly, flashing a glare at him. I look at Stan. "Go talk to her."

Stan nods, drifting away and to his girlfriend. Well.. ex girlfriend. I hear them bicker back and forth as I walk into the boys bathroom. Once the door is shut, it's silent. I stand against the door for a second before walking into a stall. I lock the door, sitting on the toilet and bringing my legs up, folding them. I throw my eyes into my fists. Fuck, this just has to happen, doesn't it?

I jump, the door opening and shutting. Loud laughs are made. It's Craig and Thomas. They're talking. "Well I hear that they pushed Kenny into the pond after strangling him because he saw them doing it."

Thomas laughs. "That's-SHIT-sick." he tics.

"Yeah." Craig agrees. "Who knew they'd would be gay. I'll just say I'm never playing football with Stan again."

I hear Thomas shift, the sink running now. "I know. He'd probably try to make people-MONKEYBALLS-tackle him."

Craig makes an odd noise, as if he had just gotten the chills. "Siiiiick. Siiiiick." They both move, talking to each other about it as they walk out the door.

I sigh, burrying my eyes back into my palms. It's just one thing after another, isn't it? I finally collect myself, walking out of the stall and to the mirror. I wash my eyes, wiping them dry with a paper towel. I open my eyes when my face head straight, staring back at the mirror. The person looking back at me doesn't look familiar. He looks sad. I lean in, pulling down the bottom lid of my eye and examining it. I let go, pacing both hands on the counter to study who I've become some more. The once glistening green eyes have slowly begun to grow dull. My once bright red hair is dull it's self as well, a mixture of red and brown, wavy and messy. There are no freckles on my face, just clear, Caucasian skin. Then, my nose. I grumble, quite angry with my looks and looking away. I pick up my one binder and trudge out of the bathroom.

Just as the door swings shut behind me, the bell screams. I look around, soon spotting Wendy and Stan as crowds rush past. The raven-haired girl is crying, whispering words to him. He shakes his head, cupping her left cheek in his hand, stroking a tear with his thumb. Wendy put her hands to his, pulling it away with a shaking head. I read her lips; No. That's the only simple word I can read from her moving lips. She goes to turn, but Stan grabs her wrist, pulling her around. I hear only small bits of his whispers, some of it echoing in the now lifeless hallway. Wendy is still disagreeing with him as she attempts to pull her hand from his grasp. He let's go, only to change the position and wrapping his arms around her petite waist. Then he kisses her, passionately. She doesn't fight it; she's kissing him back just as eagerly. She pulls away though, opening her eyes and looking up at him with a weak smile. This time I heart it:

I love you, Stan.

I love you too, Wendy.

I bite my lip, turning around quickly and marching down the hall. I hear Wendy's footsteps leave, a door shutting after. Then, I hear someone shift, then silence. I'm still walking when I hear him cry out to me, his voice filled with sadness and agony. "Kyle!" I don't respond. My fists clench and I continue walking. "Kyle." Stan calls. I still don't answer. I walk outside now, the winter air hitting me at once. Then I let my tears fall.

_**To be continued..**_

_--  
_I really have some nerve. I torture Kyle too much, it's a bit depressing. Jess has already told me that I need to hurry up and make Stan make up his mind. I know what's gonna happen, it's just fun to do this :lol:


	7. Rose Petals

**Chapter 7**

_Rose Petals_

It's silent on the field. I stand with my hands in my pockets, staring around at the bleachers and more. My breath comes out as white smoke, face flushed and tear stained. I look around silently, the wind whipping at me gently, the sky faded white. I stare down at the grass, wiping my left sole across the blades. My blank stare looks up. My attention is at the middle of the field. I can imagine him talking to the rest of his team mates, huddled in a large group as they discuss the next plan. Every time, before they preform it, he flashes a smile. That smile I love. But now I hate it. I hate him. I hate everything about him, especially his mixed emotions and the fact he can't make up his god damn mind. Well fuck Stan. He's a fucking bitch.

Wait... what am I saying? I can never hate Stan. I just simply hate his thoughts. I hate how he can't make up his mind. It's tearing me apart, and I wish he would just make a decision and stick with it. But no. Stan has to be so god damn difficult. He has to make me sit in suspense and depression while he shoots the shit and does who knows what with Wendy, while he secretly shows his love for me. I don't understand how Stan can turn around at one moment and confess his love for me, then turn his back to me and mack with Wendy. And of course when he realizes I saw the scene, he tries to call me back. There's nothing he can do that will make me feel any better. There's nothing he can do that will make me forgive him. Nothing will let me fall for his little games again.

But then why do I always find myself forgiving him every time? Maybe it's because whenever I look at him, his bright eyes staring back at me, a smile upon his soft lips, I can't help but want to forgive him. He makes me so happy. The thought makes a grin spread on my mouth.

Talking causes me to jump. I turn on my heel, seeing the football team walk towards the middle of the field. Stan doesn't look at me, holding onto his helmet between the crook of his elbow. He eventually pulls it on, now huddling with the team, his back facing me. Like I always had done, I sit on the bottom bleacher and watch as they discuss, waiting for the practice game to begin. It seems Stan cleared things up with the other classmates on his team, for they don't seem to shun him out of playing. While I watch, I don't remove my eyes from Stan. Every girl in the school always complimented on how... er... 'well fitted' his uniform was. I couldn't agree more. I fold my arms on my lap, watching the game in progress.

Then my attention is broken, a familiar voice calling my name. My head is turned and I see Clyde at the end of the bleacher, gesturing to follow him. A sigh escapes my parted lips, standing up. Once I reach him, I simply say "What?"

A hand grabs the back of my jacket, whipping me back and around. Cartman holds me by the collar now, our faces inches apart. A scowl is plastered upon his face. "'Sup, jew." he growls.

My eyes narrow. "What do you want Cartman?"

"Your ass kicked." he responds.

I roll my eyes. "Right. Because a fatty like you can kick my ass?" I mutter. "I'm surprised you can even stand."

"He's right." a voice sighs. It's Craig. I look over my shoulder to him. They're all there. Craig, Thomas, Clyde and Tweek. "Your fat ass can't beat the shit out of him." Clyde snickers. Thomas tics a 'SHIT'.

"'Ay! Fuck you guys!" Cartman yelps. Craig shrugs, the others silent.

"I agree with Craig." Tweek murmurs, his body trembling as always.

"Well you wanna do it?!"

I gasp, thrown against Tweek. The others laugh, Tweek pushing me away and into the middle, surrounded by my once 'somewhat' friends. "AGH, too much pressure!" he exclaims, putting his fists to his mouth and staring, still shaking.

"That's what you always-FUCK- say." Thomas hisses.

"None of that matters!" Cartman declares. "Let's just kick his ass."

I gaze at them all, a terrified look on my face. I try to remove it, but I can't help it. I bet I could take them on, just not all at the same time.

"Why do you want to kick my ass?" I snarl. "I didn't do anything to you."

"You tried turning our quarterback gay," Cartman says. "and you're gay yourself."

I glare. "So your homophobic?"

"I wouldn't say that." he sighs. "Just against you!"

My heart races. Then my back hits against the metal bleaches, the knot on my back pulsating once it hits the steel. I gasp in pain. I'm struck again though, stumbling. I catch balance, shooting a scowl up at Cartman who had punched me. I lift my fist, swinging it at his cheek. It hits him successfully and he hits the ground with a thud. Craig is the one with the big enough balls to come at me next. It's a blur of motion as I dodge two punches. But as I raise, he manages to sock me straight in the chin, my head swinging back, and I fall. I sit myself up, but he pounces on me like a tiger, forced to hit the floor once again. Clyde cheers in the background while Craig takes hits at my face. I try to push him off several times. "Shit!" Thomas yelps. Craig stops, looking up. Stan is racing this way, throwing the helmet off his head.

"Fuck." Craig utters under his breath. This is my chance. I grunt as my fist punches Craig right in his nose, causing him to flip back. I pull myself away, watching him roll on the floor whispering words to himself as blood embraces his fingers. Stan is here by now, staring at them in outrage. Cartman, of course, had already left the scene. Tweek and Thomas had already begun to take off, running side by side back to the high school. He looks at Craig now, walking to the black haired boy and yanking his arm free from his nose. The look on Craig's face is priceless, a look of horror as his bloody nose is inches away from Stan's.

"Never fucking touch him again." he hisses. "If I ever see... or hear that you do this again, you'll be dead." Craig glances at me, but his attention is snapped back to Stan as the boy's grasp tightens on Craig's wrist. "Don't even look at him." Stan pushes him away now, Craig stumbling before catching balance an racing off into the distance with the other boys. I look up at Stan, letting out an exhale. He slowly turns to me. "What happened?" he whispers, crouching down next to me and stroking my red hair.

I slap his hand away, staring at him bitterly. "They decided to kick my ass because of us."

Stan frowns. "I knew this would happen."

"Yeah, well who gives a shit." I struggle as I stand to my feet, Stan following me as I begin walking towards the school. I hear his coach call him to get back. But he ignores him. "Stan, just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you right now, let alone see you."

Stan grabs my wrist before I can walk any further, swinging me back in a rush. He presses me against him, hands traveling to the low of my black. I try to squirm away from him. "Maybe I can change your mind."

I gape, pushing him off of me angrily. "Shut the fuck up, Stan." I hiss. "It's already fucked me up enough."

"Whatever happened to not caring?"

"Maybe I don't keep my word much." I snap. "Just like you."

"What do you me-"

"I thought you loved me? Why did you kiss Wendy?!"

Stan rubs the back of his neck. "I couldn't stand to see her like that."

"So you let me suffer?" I turn away, beginning to storm off again.

He runs faster than I walk, stopping in front of me and grabbing me by the shoulders. "It's not like that, Kyle!" I don't look at him. "I don't want to see both of you like that, and you're a real dumb ass for thinking I'd want to see you upset, let alone be the one to cause it."

I sigh, my eyes averting the ground and looking to him. "You just don't get it, Stan. You don't know how to have a good, healthy relationship. You really know how to ruin them." the ending is hissed out, and I can tell it hurt him, for he flinched.

He wets his lips. "Give me a chance, Kyle."

"How?" I growl. "You're with Wendy, aren't you?" No response. "Exactly!" I shove past him, stalking off. I hear his foot steps behind me, but he remains silent. I don't say anything, I don't want to. There's nothing left to say, and I know Stan knows. I know he's lost this battle, and so does he.

He speaks: "What can I do to change this?"

"There's nothing you can do."

He stops walking, my foot steps leading me away from him slowly. The bell rings in my ears now, and I hear classes get out, everyone merging to the hall. I head towards the buzzing, people scrambling around inside. Then he catches up to me, trying to take hold of my hand. I slap his away, shooting an angered glare. Stan returns a frown. "Kyle, please."

"No, Stan." I mutter. I see Wendy and her friends talking by the door. Wendy turns her head and sees us, muttering something to Bebe. Then she begins to open the door. My eyes roll.

"Kyle?"

"Just give up." I whisper to him.

"Kyle." Stan breaths, grabbing my wrist. Wendy stops walking to us, staring in confusion. I twist my body to look at him. He shifts, making it so I no longer need to twist myself around. "Give me another chance." he whispers to me. "I can make this up to you. I promise."

"No, you don't promise." I utter. "You'll just turn around and do it all over again after screwing Wendy." I hear a gasp come from her, but I could care less. Wendy's a bitch anyway.

Stan's hand lifts, placing it upon my cheek. He lowers his head slightly, gazing at me. "Don't be so stubborn." he says, giving a disappointed sigh.

"Right. Me. Stubborn." I grumble bitterly. "Because I have no god damn right to be pissed at you."

Stan chuckles. How dare he laugh at this. His thumb strokes my face, then our faces are only an inch away. "Just shut up, Kyle." he says.

"Why should I?"

He beams. "How can I kiss you if you're talking?"

Wendy gasps again. I smile at this. "Are you telling me you are going to change?"

"Yep." he says, flashing his teeth with a crooked smile, a smile I love. "Anything for you."

"You say that a lot." I sigh.

"It's true." he responds. "You may not think it, but it is." I look away from him, my anger calming down. But it's still there in the pit of my stomach. He takes hold of my face between both hands. "Calm down, dude." the boy commands. Then he leans in, our lips meeting. I can't help but melt into it, my hands reaching to his chest and resting there as he kisses me. While this happens, Wendy bursts into tears, also throwing a fit of anger. I hear her sobbing to Bebe, angry words about Stan and I. But I don't care what she has to say about us. Wendy comes to us now, hitting against Stan's shoulder. His eyes slam open, looking at her. He stops kissing me, causing me to inhale. We both look at her. "What?"

"What do you think you're doing, Stan?!" she snaps. "You're MY boyfriend!"

Stan rolls his eyes, lifting his middle finger to her. She scowls in outrage. "Exactly." he hisses. "You're a bitch, Wendy."

Wendy snarls, flipping around and running off to her friends. I look back at Stan, grinning. "Seriously?"

Stan lets out a low laugh. "How many times do I have to say this? Anything for you."

I smile at him, slamming against his chest as wrap my arms around his waist. He lowers his hands to my back. "You won't change your mind?"

"Nope."

"Good." I sigh, resting my head against his collar bone. He strokes the top of my head. "I didn't think I could have handled it any longer."

Stan continues stroking my hair. "Yeah," he agrees. "I should listen to you more often."

At least he finally listens to me.

I stare down at Kenny's tombstone, a single rose in my hand. My fingers are intertwined around it, trying to avoid the thorns. "Well, you were right Kenny." I whisper, crouching down. My hand rubs along the smoothly carved words. I shut my eyes for a minute before revealing them again. "You were right about everything. I should have told him a long time ago. And maybe if I just told him when I first realized it we wouldn't be in this situation. Fuck dude, maybe you'd still be with us. Or maybe it's just fate. Destiny." I allow a soft smile. "Just like Stan and I... Man. I wish you were here so much. I miss you, Kenny. You'd be happy, I know it. I also made sure that Cartman got hell of a beating. He deserved it for not helping you, that ass wipe... It's summer, Kenny. Your favorite season. It's really hot, believe it or not. It feels good though. It's like the sun is happy." I laugh. "I know what you'd say to that. You'd think it's gay. But whatever." my shoulders rise and lower. I fall silent as I stare at the picture that is carefully placed upon the dirt, a couple of flowers placed around it. I pick it up, staring at the glass and blowing some dirt off. I stare carefully at the picture, the blond boy smiling back at me. Tears begin to swell. I dab my eyes with my sleeve. "I wonder what you look like now. I hope you didn't let your hair grow out like you wanted too. You look better with it short like that. You're perfect the way you are." I place the frame back on the dirt, looking back up at the stone. I stand now, shoving my hands in the pockets of my black tux, my ska's kicking against the grass. "Stan and I are going to college together, did he tell you that? I'm really nervous. I wish you could be with us. He wants me to move in with him once his apartment is settled. I guess I'm up for it." I grow silent. The wind shifts against me, my hair blowing in my eyes. "Enough about me. How are you doing?" Like every time I visit him, like every time I ask him questions, there is no response. But I know. I know he's there, and I know he's listening. I know my friend is doing just fine and is in a much better place. But every bit of me wants him to come back home. I wipe at my eyes again, leaving water marks.

"Kyle!" I look over my shoulder. Stan is standing, one of his legs in the drivers seat of his car. He gestures to come. "Let's go, dude! We can visit him when we get back! Tell the bastard I love him and c'mon!" I flash a smile, watching as he sits back down. I turn myself back to the grave.

"Stan says he loves you. I love you too. We'll be back soon, I promise. Keep well." I let the rose drop in the middle of the dirt patch, the flower gently striking it. I give a salute like motion to Kenny's rock-engraved name. "See ya, dude." I smile at it, turning around and jogging to the car. Stan and I drive off, off to our future. Together.

I'm not afraid of what will come in my future. I know whatever will happen it'll be fine. Life has problems and you must deal with them. You learn from your mistakes and mistakes that others make. I'm still learning mine, and so is Stan. But we love each other, and that what makes us so strong, and that's what holds us together as one. And that will never change.

**THE END**

_--  
_So I've finally completed GBW&D. I know it's a bit short (or at least I've seen longer) but whatever. I tried c: Yay, Stan finally made up his mind, after long and emotional torture for little emo Kyle. I hope you enjoy this, I know it was really fun writing it. A few times I wish I would have put more time into it, but well.. I don't have forever / At least I managed to get it done. And it didn't take as long as I expected either


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